Because yelling at strangers is frowned upon but fabric is
still legal (for now)
They are perfect for marches, rallies, and
passive-aggressive family holidays
Appear edgy without actually
doing anything dangerous.
Q: Do I really need another T-shirt or is this just emotional shopping again?
A: You do need another T-shirt. In fact, experts (me, I’m the expert) agree that your entire emotional stability hinges on acquiring exactly one more piece of cotton with words on it. If you don’t buy it, a tiny alarm goes off in the universe and a committee of judgmental raccoons meets to discuss your life choices.
So yes—buy the shirt. Save yourself from the raccoon tribunal.
Q: Will this shirt start arguments, or just enhance the ones I’m already
having?
A: This shirt will 100% start arguments – mostly with household appliances.
The moment you put it on, your toaster will develop strong political
opinions, and your vacuum cleaner will begin passive-aggressively
bumping into your feet like it’s disappointed in your choices. Humans might argue too, but honestly, your blender is the real menace here.
Shipping takes 7–15 days. That’s business days, not “my package should
teleport to me because I want it now” days. All orders follow the same
timeline because chaos is already winning without us making exceptions.
Sit tight, breathe deeply, and maybe touch some grass while you wait.
Our short-sleeved T-shirts boast 100% cotton, because they’re too pure and precious to mingle with any other fabric. The long-sleeved tees are 85% cotton and 15% polyester, a thoughtful blend engineered to keep the sleeves from instantly surrendering the moment you try to bend your arms like a functional adult. Hoodies cling to the fantasy with 100% cotton, like they’re too good for modern textiles. And the sweatshirts? A chaotic little smoothie of 48.9% polyester, 43.4% cotton, and 7.7% spandex, perfect for people who want to feel like they’re being gently hugged by a math problem.
Our return policy applies to most items, but a few exceptions exist. Those listed below cannot be returned:
Our shirts may cause some euphoria – I mean, afterall, you are changing the world!
Q: Will staring at the tracking page help speed up delivery?
A: Staring at the tracking page absolutely makes shipping faster—by which I mean it summons a small, invisible postal goblin who sprints your package across state lines powered solely by your spiraling anxiety.
The goblin’s name is Glarb. He runs faster when you refresh repeatedly and slower if you try to get on with your life.
So yes, keep staring. Glarb lives for this.
Q: I heard your shirts repel MAGA lemmings. Is this true?
A: For the most part. In some cases it will drive them over the edge where you can stand and wave Bye-Bye!